I Had a Dream!
It’s true. I had one last night. Actually I had two, but we’ll get to that.
So I don’t recall being excessively tired last night. No alcohol. I did watch Dead Pool, but until we start getting results about Ryan Reynolds in red spandex causing bizarre hallucinations or fantasies…
I fantasize about that…
…Of course you do… But until those reports start rolling in, I guess we’re stuck with the facts. So before we start picking it a part, let’s go over the dream.
Me, daringly handsome, with a girl.
<Adjusts pants> Go on…
Actually a lot of girls…
<Unzips trousers> Yeah? I’m listening…
…And a lot of guys…
<Turns on Barry White and lights candles> Uhuh?
We were on the run. Like fleeing an alien invasion, almost exactly like War of the Worlds (ft. Tom Cruise
<Kills music. Blows out candles.> Yeah. That killed it.
Seriously, it was just like that. Mobs of people running in the same direction over grassy hills, away from the explosions. I don’t know what the explosions were from, but I recall me and the girl (whose face I can’t even recall), were looking for the mother of this dead Asian kid with a weird name. We’ll call him Jodo.
Don’t get offended people, just the facts.
So we’re looking for the mother when a buddy of mine (in the dream, not in real life) parachutes in dressed like Spiderman
Yeah. So his chute gets caught in this tree next to this cave, and he’s upside down.
Me and the girl try to help him down, and he’s saying shit like “No, Sheila (the girl he likes) has to think I’m Spiderman!! Dude, leave. You’ll web-block me.”
About that time, Sheila shows up. On the run from the explosions just like everyone else. So what’s the parachute guy do? He makes a Spiderman pose, with his parachute cords.
Yeah. That one!
Badass. Dude’s totally getting laid.
And I (being the cock-block I am in my dreams) yank him down saying “Dude, no one thinks you’re Spiderman.”
So he falls, and the four of us rush into the cave because whatever is after us is getting close, and the entrance gets blocked off by a big rolling stone, all Indiana Jones style.
Somehow, this cave is lit up. Maybe some torches or whatever, I don’t know.
So the four of us are in there, Me and my faceless dream girl standing across from my buddy and his crush.
My buddy takes off his mask and says, “What are you doing here man?” I should mention now that when he takes the mask off, it’s Napoleon Dynamite.
We say we’re looking for JoDo’s mom.
Then the girl, Sheila, says “She’s dead.”
And we’re like “How do you know that?”
And she says “Because I’M JODO.” And then her eyes glow blue, and the cave goes dark!!!!
Talk about PLOT TWIST!!!! You should write all that down.
I just did.
Fucking crazy dream man.
Oh it gets better. The cave goes dark right as my alarm wakes me up at 6am.
Wow, look at you being the Adult, chasing dreams on a weekend.
Well, I hit snooze until 7.
Look at you being the more tired adult and slacking.
So while I was sleeping that extra hour, I had another dream. Only this time, I dreamt I was telling my English teacher about my other dream.
Talk about breaking the Fourth Wall!!!
I know. Totally crazy, right!
So I’m taking a few things away from those dreams.
- Who ever said keep a notebook near your bed was on to something. So do that. Something crazy happens, like Napoleon Dynamite dressed as Spiderman being crazy about a hot alien-momma-killer chick, then you can write it down.
- When you watch something as awesome as Dead Pool, a concept like Breaking the Fourth Wall will bleed into your subconscious.
If you remember any crazy dreams, tell me about them in the comment section! I’d love to hear them.