Generation: Joke

              DISCLAIMER: This post may be littered with excessive profanity, but that’s because I get pissed off when I think about this topic.

So I read an article the other day that struck a chord with me. It didn’t exactly say anything I haven’t thought before. It more or less just reminded me that I hate this generation we are raising with a passion. Hate? Really? Strong word choice. Yes. Hate.

It’s not the individual. It’s the collective whole. I’m talking this generation of people around the age of 24 and below that thinks the world owes them something. You were raised on organic food and false praise. You don’t understand what it’s like to earn shit.  You haven’t been hit by life yet, and I worry that when it does hit you (and it will), you’re gonna fold like a sack of bricks.

I know it’s not all your fault. You’re working with the deck you were dealt. You’re not the only ones. We all do what we can with the cards we have. The difference between your generation and every generation above you is that you accept your cards. You’re the product of your environment and you’re raised to believe you’re special. You’re not special. In the words of Jeff Daniels, You are a member of THE WORST PERIOD GENERATION PERIOD EVER PERIOD. You get handed iPhones at twelve years old, you don’t work until after college (which you expect your parents to pay for you), and you never get your ass spanked for being the little shit-tard that you are. You back talk your parents, don’t respect authority, and have absolutely no ambition or drive to accomplish anything. The American Dream will die with you.

This isn’t just my opinion. There is tons of evidence to back me up. For instance, in 2001, the U.S. Congress passed the No Child Left Behind act, effectively stating that every year, students have to perform better on tests than the previous year. Sounds good on paper, but in reality, It’s not reasonable. Sure we would love for each class to be smarter than the previous year’s class at that given level. But because each one of these millennials is given a smart phone with access to cameras, the internet, and every social network imaginable, they’re not paying attention in class. They’re not studying. They’re not applying themselves in any way shape or form. The law in the NCLB act basically says that schools get punished for not improving. So what do schools do when the students fail to exceed standards? Reward good grades? Punish phone use? Encourage tutoring? Of course not. That would make sense.  They lower the standards, and magically, the margin in restored. Awesome.

Millennials hate working. I had several jobs in high school. When I was 15, I was cutting grass over the summer and working at the animal shelter on weekends. When I got a car, I stocked groceries overnight at the local grocery store (yes, even during the school year), and did bodywork as an apprentice at a Ford dealership. I paid for my own vehicles and worked for my spending money. So for the very few of your generation who actually hold a job, thank you.

Millennials want and need instant gratification. In a day where the internet is at their fingertips, combined with the worst role models of douche bags (Bieber, Kanye) and bimbos (Paris Hilton, any Kardashian) in history, the generation we’re raising thinks life is all about shitting on your fellow man, being an airhead, and wasting talent. Get some real role models, idiots. Side Note: Whip and Na-Na or whatever is the most stupid song I’ve ever heard, followed closely behind by Superman and anything else that has a stupid heard dance attached to it. Go back to the 90s and listen to some real music.

Part of that horrible role model mentality has to do with reality TV. You would rather watch other people live their (highly scripted and fake) lives than to get off your ass and live yours. Reality TV rewards drama and idiotic behavior, and you intake that toxicity with more want than you intake your own damn school work or goals in life.

When is the last time you were whooped or spanked? Seriously? Too many people out there are afraid of TMZ and child services for whopping the fuck out of their kids. I have vivid memories of my mom spanking me with her hand. When that didn’t work, she got the belt. When that failed, my dad took over. I remember my grandmother making me pick my own switch and peel the leaves and twigs off of it. I also remember the welts it left on my legs. I was paddled in school for misbehaving too. I learned very quickly to respect my parents and any elders because of the hand, belt, switch, and paddle. If your kid lives under your roof, and back-talks you, you my permission to take off your belt, rare back, and blister their ass until the only thing they know is pain for bad behavior. It’s how you train a dog. It’s how you raise a kid.

Get out of the house too. What happened to kids playing outside with other kids? Now it’s like parents can’t even let their children out of their sight without having a panic attack.

One of my biggest pet peeves is this “everyone is a winner” mentality. The participation trophy is one of the most detrimental concepts ever conceived. Too many people are happy with their station in life. It’s the reason we have declining participation in sports, lowering standards in schools, and people at McDonalds wanting $15/hr. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? News Flash: It’s not meant to be a career you idiot. You’re not meant to support your growing number of kids off of it. It’s called an ENTRY LEVEL POSITION for a reason. Do it, get some experience working under your belt, and move the fuck along. If you’re working at Walmart, You need to be trying to work at Target by the end of the year. If you’re making $30K/yr, you should be working on ways to make $40K next year. If you’re a secretary, you need to learn to be a personal assistant or account rep or something.

“But Gary, I don’t have the skills they want.” Have you tried to get them? Have you attended classes, studied, practiced?

Your generation gives up way to fucking easy. You can’t even hear a joke without getting offended about some politically correct bull shit. You can’t take constructive criticism without burying your face in your hands and pouting. You get bullied at school and you run and tell the teacher, or drop out, or cry, or worse yet, get a gun and go on a shooting spree because you can’t handle the fucking pressure. Grow some balls. Grow some character. Get a thick skin.

You know what my generation did when they got bullied? They fought back. Sometimes you got your ass kicked. But then you did what you had to do. You went home and you practiced. You hit the weights. You did your pushups. You looked yourself in the mirror and said “I’m nobody’s bitch”. When they bully showed back up, you fought again. Repeat. One of two things happens if you do this enough. You learn to take a punch or you learn to throw one, both of which are very important.

Why? Because life will knock you on your ass. You have to learn to get up and fight for what you want. Fight for what you believe in. The opposite of success isn’t failing. It’s quitting. Everyone who has ever accomplished anything has also failed at trying to accomplish it. You watch the X-Games and you see men and women do unbelievable flips and tricks with boards and skis and bikes. EVERY ONE of those men and women have bust their ass time and time again to learn those moves. Ty Cobb has the highest career batting average of all time at .366 (36.6%). That’s the percentage of times he succeeded.  You have to take the cards you’re dealt, break the rules and put in the fucking work. You will never become successful working a “9-5”. You know what real successful people do? They bust their ass. They strive to be #1 at all costs. They work out before they go into work. They tell their friends they can’t hang out because they’re writing a book. They work two jobs to save up money for that trip to Europe. When is the last time you took steps towards your dreams? Do you even have one?

If your generation is going to survive and more importantly, not raise an even worse generation of tiny humans below you, YOU NEED TO GROW UP. You need to realize you’re not special. You need to learn that success comes with hard work and perseverance. You need to quit getting butt hurt over political correctness and take your head out of your phone and accomplish something with your lives. Go read a book. Go get a job. Go make a difference.

Tagged with: